Trying

Thats basically my theme word recently.... "trying"
Trying to work hard, Trying to meet my bosses requirements, trying to help others, Trying to be the friend my friends need, trying to keep everyone happy, trying to be a better person, Trying to keep my cool when things don't seem fair, trying to stay happy when my inner darkness trys to creep out on me, .... trying, trying, trying.....
It really does get tiring. *sigh*
I guess this past week has been pretty good. I really have nothing to complain about. I just feel a little down tonight. and so im "trying" to fight it. Its too easy to fall into a depressing state of mind...THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!
Worked 6 , 8 hour shifts now..... found some nice people to be with. It's been good and definitely body building work.
On wed. Heidi and I went into the city and visited w. Harper. We went to the fix (an espresso bar downtown) for coffee. As much as downtown older winnipeg freaks me out it was great being down there. I had a lil bit of quirky happiness that night..... I mean i still analyzed things and thought in depth , but i had such an appreciation for things around me. I know i want to live somewhere like downtown winnipeg but safer. SOme place with character. where i can sketch and paint the things I see. Like in "under the tuscan sun" where the main character watches everyday from her balcony. She sees the lil ol man who brings flowers every day and the people who pick their apples every tues and all the lil things like that. I want that. I want to have a part in it. Firstly...i must get out of Winkler. But this is one of my dreams. We walked around at the Forks later w. harper. ANd that was nice. I like the forks, the setting, the river is much prettier at night. Watching the lights ... the edge on the air didnt bother me one bit. I was warmed by the content i felt.
I stayed over at kevs that night w. Heidi. She left the next morning but I stayed the day. That evening (thurs), I went to Kev's college and career w. him. I'm so glad. It was sooo good. THe service wasnt anything special...but the people. Now, they ARE something special. The atmosphere was soo peaceful yet electric w. joy in Christ. I met some really great people like Auralee (sp?) and Sham (chris i believe). Cutest couple, really. I hope to go back again. Please God, get me there somehow.
Friday night, Jo and I went to a show in Carman. It was good. I miss the shows. I miss Alex, I miss Threadline. But thats ok, because everything changes and I'm just riding waves from one to the other. It was fun, and poker after was fun. Nylon eh jo? Neon as well. hehe.
..... Ok, well i planned to continue on with more thoughts and stories but I dont think my lids will stay up for that long.
"Trying to stay awake and remember my name....but everybody's changing and I dont feel the same"
It's true, and though i over quote that song. It fits this fall and it'll stick out to me the rest of my life. Its one of those songs, we all gotta have them. Pulls at broken threads in our hearts but also encourages the strong ones, tied in happy memories! :) *sigh* I feel better now than I did at the beginning of this post. This place helps...thanks for getting these things going again gals.